How to Immediately Improve Your Query Letter's Effectiveness | Jane Friedman

Remove anything that sounds like a book report.

This is by far the biggest sin of most query letters. It's where you try to explain in detail what happens in your book, thinking that the more intriguing or juicy description you share, the more interested the agent or editor will be.

No. In fact, you want to pull back-way back. All you need is something very simple (yet difficult): the story premise. The premise consists of the protagonist(s) and the challenge they face. We need a fairly equal balance of character and plot here-enough to connect with the character and enough to be interested in the problem that will drive the story from beginning to end. You should avoid anything that is an accounting of the plot twists and turns. (If agents want to know that, they will turn to the novel synopsis.)